I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
