He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
