I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
