I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
