at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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