So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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