Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
