In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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