I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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