i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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