I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
