At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
