Is it because I queefed?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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