And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nutella sex= disaster
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
