i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
