never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize