Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
