I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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