It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
