They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
