i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
