If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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