Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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