its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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