I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this hospital has no fireball
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
