Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
