Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
