i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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