So drunk its hurt
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
