soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
