You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
