if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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