"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
