took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
