I think my vagina is haunted
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
