Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
