hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
