i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
