So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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