she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
