It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
