Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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