i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
