He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize