I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
