remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
