He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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