My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
