your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
please come you make the beer taste better
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I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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