i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
