I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
