He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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