After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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