i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
