just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
