i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
