Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
