My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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