She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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