I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
