okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
