I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
50% drunk capacity currently
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
