just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
