need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
