we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
