I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
