People in love make me want to vomit
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
