we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
