hotel room ftw
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
