I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
