Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
