i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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