He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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