there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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