barbara walters just said penis...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
