Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
