I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
