Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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