Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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