I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
