In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
