dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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