my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
