Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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