Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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